I'm practicing mindfulness, and trying hard to wake up happy even on mornings where I have slept less than 4 hours, have to bring the baby to daycare, have to drive to New York, blah blah blah. I know many working moms talk about the guilt associated with having to be at 'work' most of the day, but I don't find this to be my largest source of stress or guilt. Rather the effect that work can have on my patience, and my unfiltered reaction to my kiddos is where my guilt blooms.
When my darling 6 year old says 'mommy' for the 27th time in a 10 minute span, and I sigh audibly before answering him, this is guilt. Because he is trying to show me the track he constructed along the basement floor by himself, or recite a math lesson from school for me, or ask me which of the model trains he collects from the museum gift shop is my favorite.
That small wish I unconsciously make for solitude, for silence, for a glass of wine instead of holding a container of chocolate milk, that is guilt. Working all day at a job I enjoy, feeling proud to be an attorney with large scale responsibilities at a relatively young age, that is fulfillment and modeling hard work for my children, not guilt. The challenge to reserve space on that full emotional plate is what I work at, elusive at times, but most true challenges are. So deep breath, happy face, tight hugs.
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