Kitchen Facelift

Despite the fact that upon purchase in 2016 we oversaw all the renovation of our Connecticut home personally, being 100+ miles away in New York while the work was being done took its toll. For example, the cabinet color was wrong. What was supposed to be 'bright white' was, in fact, antique white. And when the custom made counter tops, finishes, furniture and back-splash were all ordered based on bright white, not antique white, you can imagine some problems arising. But being sensible (forcibly so, in the form of budget limitation, not because I'm actual sensible) we lived with it. Antique white worked well enough.

Until now. New year, new cabinets. (New cabinet knobs, pulls and kitchen faucet coming next month so stayed tuned!)

Lighting: Pottery Barn // Cabinet paint: Benjamin Moore Advance in 'Gray Shower' // Back-splash tiles: Tile Bar 'Mangata Satin Starlight' // Wall paint: Sherman Williams 'Lazy Gray' // Counter stools: 'Dakota Adjustable Stool' from Target (on sale right now) // Rug: Savafieh via Wayfair

Hit Reset

Despite the big cliche talk of 'new years resolutions' and 'positive attitudes' the first week (or 9 days?) of 2018 were crappy. I felt like Tucker here, falling through a hole waiting to be rescued. On January 2 my husband blew out a tire and had to have the car towed (on the way home from Tucker's first indoor soccer clinic practice no less), no school on the 4th or 5th for snow, the baby broke out in an infectious rash on the 6th and had a double ear infection by the 7th, the basement pipes began leaking on January 8th, and today there is a client disaster at work.

But rather than despair (baby is still not sleeping despite my prayers and hopes for sleep in 2018), I'm hitting reset, both on the computer (because the internet is slower than a toddler getting dressed today), and on the new year. The tire is fixed, the pipe stopped leaking, the amoxicillin has kicked in, and Tucker loves soccer. And I've reevaluated the no wine on weeknights resolution...

**Update: As my karma for complaining above, since these events transpired last week, a few more have piled on. Husband gets massive tonsil infection and cant eat, hear, or swallow. Another snow day, school cancelled. Tucker sprains knee and needs a trip to urgent care at 6pm Thursday night to be sure nothing is torn. Baby's ENT appointment we waited forever to get is cancelled, news given to us after we arrive at scheduled appointment. Same car with repaired tire and tow on the 2nd now needs new 'blower' which costs $400 plus labor. SO I think I'm waiting until February for that reset.....

Growing

My 6 year old came home from school yesterday, jumped down from the last bus step in his usual spring board like manner. He came running toward me, arms outstretched for a hug. We came into the house, back pack thrown to the floor, shoes kicked off in different directions. He grabbed the iPad, headed to the cabinet to retrieve a snack, and nestled into a counter stool for a few minutes of decompression before the tiresome after school routine (dinner, read, homework, bath, play, 5 minute warning 15 times, bed) began again like groundhogs day.

But something about my now 6 and half year old was subtly different today. I felt him get older, sitting there, eating crackers. It was nothing overt or outspoken, more like the way you can sense snowfall despite a forecast of clear skies. The air hangs heavy with a smell that you can feel in your throat when you swallow a deep breath. But just like that, I saw my tiny toddler melt away a little more that day, replaced by a taller, leaner being, capable of backtalk and words that, though he doesn't quite appreciate them yet, carry meaning. His questions are direct and not as easily answered, (why do we go to Church if God is supposed to be everywhere?), and his anxieties about his world (I feel embarrassed when the 3rd graders laugh at me on the bus, why do they do that?) not as easily explained away.

So as 2018 begins, and I smell the emergence of a new age, somewhere north of toddler and still south of teen, I'm trying to hold onto my parenting confidence which is still constantly rattled. Amidst a sea of year end conference calls and client crisis, I realized the baby still hasn't began to sleep through the night yet. And as his first birthday peeks at us from the calendar I'm reminded just how little I actually know about raising children (and how much I need to avoid baby blogs). Deep breaths, calm voices, and lots of hugs.